Compositions

But Let Us Be Gentle

6/25/2022

Oh friends, we need to be gentle.

We can rejoice and celebrate that there can be more protection for the innocent, unborn lives that are created by the Creator of all life. But we need to be gentle, because the women and even girls who are struggling today are our neighbors, our sisters, our daughters, and our friends. They are the most unassuming of people, and sometimes the ones who seem to have it all figured out. Let us be gentle with our words and let us love with our actions.

The Box at my Door

1/20/2022

I coughed a few times, sniffed, and tried to swallow the tears as if I could just swallow the pain welling up inside. Pain that I had been burying because of the shame. I've done it before, I should know by now that I would do it again. I feel the anger burning without stopping to realize that the anger isn't directed at someone or even something, it is part of the grief.

A Dream to Hold

1/6/2022

a poetic and scattered composition on miscarriage

The Good Days

11/23/2021

These simplified and peace-filled dreams aren't for when the kids are older, when they aren't in diapers or can actually read books by themselves. These peace-filled days can begin before babies are even born.

If I could give every single first-time mama a big, bear hug, pull back from that hug and look her in the eyes to tell her something, I would say this: "You need very little to be a good mama to your baby."

twelve Lessons from a Divorcee

11/18/2021

How did it get to the place where it takes all of my courage to stand between him and the door just begging to be heard? I wasn't the one yelling. I was the one pleading. The noise, colors, furies, and agony swirl together in a hurricane of memories. Events that lasted for just a moment would take hours and hours to sort through in therapy.

And I learned.

I learned that avoidance had made it easy to miss red flags. Avoidance had allowed the monster to grow. Avoidance had been my safety and my peace but it had also been my demise. Avoidance is only ever a good thing when we're avoiding putting too much creamer in our coffee, and even then, its questionable.

The Simple Life

10/22/2021

The real journey began when I realized that I wasn't satisfied. Everything I bought, everything I wore, everything I did to decorate my home I held up and compared to others. If it didn't match up, I wasn't satisfied. My real journey began when I sat in my therapist's office and he told me how important it is to live in the moment. To live in the present. To be content where God has me at any given moment.

An Open Letter to my Former Church

10/19/2021

I love this body of believers. You have carried me through my darkest days. You have held up my arms when I was too weak for battle. You have loved my daughters well. You served my family. You cared for my broken heart. You surrounded us when we walked through the valleys of the shadow of death. You’ve wept with us, mourned with us, prayed with us, cried with us, worshiped with us, rejoiced with us, and celebrated with us. You are a precious body of believers.

On Grief: A Summary

9/20/2021

“‘The night I found out, I circled the kitchen island, repeating, ‘God! I PRAYED for her!’ I was SO angry.’: Woman describes healing after little sister’s suicide.”

The Church Is on the Move

9/2/2021

Most of them didn't even know my story. They just responded to the Holy Spirit's call. The Lord cared for my family through the Church.

On grief and friendship

9/2/2021

A journal entry can easily sprawl across four pages of my journal when there is a lot of emotion put into it. The journal pages I've filled over losing a friendship with my friend Shelby have been many. Some words have been blurred as the tears melt the ink on the page and I've found myself silently whispering over and over, "God will You bring restoration? Restore this broken friendship."