May we Obey

I grew up watching my mom love the people we often don’t see, or when we do see them, we turn our eyes away, afraid that our eyes will meet and we’ll feel something deeper than we want to feel. My mom always sees them, though. She’s not afraid to look into their eyes. And she passed this beautiful gift onto my daughters. They have learned to see the ones that go unnoticed and they often dream of the ways to love these unseen people. 

That is how I found myself loading up my mini van with black string backpacks while my daughters climbed into the back seat. These backpacks only came to be because of my daughters’ obedience when the Lord told them to do something. They’ve never read their Bibles all the way through, they have only been following Jesus for a year or two, and yet all three of them are living out Jesus’ call to love others and the Lord’s desire for his people to “learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause”. ​

As I loaded up these backpacks full of snacks, gloves, hats, and other necessities that were gifted to us by many generous people, I felt the Lord say, “Fill the water bottles inside with hot water.” 

The dialogue that took place in my head is one that I know well because it happens often. 

Me: “Oh that’s silly. It’ll make the backpacks heavy. I already loaded them into the car.” 

God: “Just take them out and fill them up.” 

Me: “Really? This is probably just my own silly thought and not the Lord. It is enough that we’re going to pass these out already.”

And with that suppression of the Holy Spirit, I climbed into the car and headed downtown with my girls in search of the people who would need these backpacks. 

We passed out several before we pulled up next to Austin. He was young, in his twenties probably, and camped out in the middle of an intersection, not even holding a sign, just trying to stay warm. “Hi! I have something for you!” I called out to him. His face lit up as he walked over to my window and I handed him the backpack. 

“Do you have any water in here?” 

My heart lurched and sank and even as I type, the tears sting my eyes, making the screen blurry. Those seven words pierced me, convicting my heart in an instant of my disobedience and negligence to the Holy Spirit’s promptings. 

“I don’t. I am so sorry.” I responded. He told me he needed to take his meds. I searched around my car before finding an unopened canned coffee I had stowed several days ago. “I have this coffee, though.” He expressed his gratitude, we exchanged names, and I drove off, my heart incredibly heavy because of my disobedience. 

“Hey girls,” I spoke to my three daughters in the back as my eyes found theirs in the rear view mirror. “You know how Austin asked if we had water in the backpacks? The Lord actually told me before we left to fill the water bottles with hot water and I didn’t listen. I didn’t obey. This is why your dad and I try so hard to teach you obedience because ultimately, we want you to know and obey the voice of the Lord. He is all-knowing. He knows everything. He knew that we’d find Austin. He knew Austin would need to take his meds. He knew all of that before we ever left. Why would I ever doubt the God who knows every single thing, who cares about every single human on this planet?” 

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We pushed the stroller covered in green and tan balloons through the streets of our tiny downtown  as we paraded our littlest baby on his first birthday - my mom, my three daughters, my two year old, and me. As they marched, my girls sang happy birthday, sometimes in three-part harmony, sometimes in the most vibrato opera voice they could muster, sometimes in shouts instead of notes. We marched right to the chocolate store and then kept marching when we saw it wouldn’t be open for another fifteen minutes. Eventually we made our way back and purchased a kabob of chocolate covered marshmallows all around in celebration of our birthday boy! My mom offered to pay, but the total was just a little more than the cash she had on hand, so I handed over my debit card before our parade ensued. 

We passed two people, two unsuspecting people. I almost didn’t see them. But my mom did. I watched her head turn once. Twice. And then I watched her run towards them and from a short distance I watched her talk to them then hand them the cash she had offered to buy our treats with. 

“What’s Oma doing?” I heard a little voice ask. 
“Obeying.” I responded. 

My mom made her way back and with a catch in her voice and a tear in her eye she told us how God told her to give them the money and when she did she had said, “In honor of my grandson’s first birthday! Go in there and get yourself a treat!” 

The woman’s mouth opened and my mom noticed her eyes were instantly flooded with tears as she said, “You have no idea how much this means. It is my birthday, too.” 

“Oh girls!” I exclaimed. “This is why it is so important to obey God’s voice! Just like with the water bottles before! God knew that it was that woman’s birthday - he created her! And he knew she needed to be celebrated. Why would we ever not obey the God who is all-knowing and sees everything? We never know why he’s telling us to do something. We just need to obey.” 

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I’m not always good at obeying. I’m trying to be. But there are many times I didn’t obey and the Lord has forever implanted those memories on my heart, not as a way to shame me for my disobedience, but as a way to remind me of what could have been had I just obeyed. 

So, I’ve been working at it. I’ve been working so hard to be quick to obey his voice and not falter or reluctantly listen. I remind myself that the enemy would never tell me to go pray for someone, the enemy would never want me to buy something for someone, or try to show someone love. That’s the Holy Spirit in me.

We don’t always get to see the results of our obedience or even disobedience. But God’s been gracious to show it to me several times lately. 

There’s the mama God told me to pray for at church one Sunday. “I feel like you may be struggling with some anxiety with your kids?” I told her. Her face visibly changed as she admitted that after a car accident several weeks ago, she was scared to drive her children anywhere. 

There’s the woman at the coffee shop next to me yesterday with the watermelon umbrella. First God told me to see her, so I spoke to her. Then he told me she was grieving and to pray for her. She put her hand on my back as we prayed for her dying step-father in the entrance of a little store. 

There’s my friend I stood next to and just silently prayed over during a worship set, she later told me that God always tells her when someone is about to come and pray for her and when she opens her eyes, someone is, and that time, it was me. 

There’s my other friends who God told me to go pray with during church a few weeks ago, and when I was done, she prayed for me. Later God told me that He wanted me to go pray with her because he wanted her to pray for me and she shared that it was the first time she’d actually prayed over anyone besides her own family. The Lord used my obedience to help her grow in obedience! 

I’m overwhelmed, completely overwhelmed as I type these stories of the Lord proving Himself to be the all-knowing God who sees. El Roi. 

In His gentle compassion and tender discipline, he is teaching me to listen to him, to love him and love others and that often comes just by being obedient. It isn’t always easy. My heart pounds, my hands shake, I’m not eloquent and my words fall short whenever I do pray for people. But the Lord uses me in all of my weaknesses to display his glory and to love his people. I’m reminded often that I never remember the exact prayers prayed over me when other people are obedient in praying for me. But I remember that they prayed. I remember the lady stopping me in the aisle of the grocery store to pray over whatever heartache I was enduring. I remember the woman who came up to me at Costco as I ate a pizza and asked if she could pray over me. I remember the man who came and prayed over my parents and me at church when my world was just a mess from mistakes I’d made. I remember the friend who came up and prayed with me in the coffee shop, taking a break from the endless lattes she was making so she could tell me what the Lord told her to tell me. 

We don’t have to be eloquent or graceful or wealthy. We don’t have to spend time reading our Bibles every morning or on our literal faces in prayer every day. We don’t have to have a perfect relationship with the Lord because we never will. We just need to be obedient. Simply follow the promptings and whispers of the Holy Spirit because he is all-knowing and in his loving kindness, he will use us to see others. 

As I journaled out my prayers this morning, I wrote, “Thank you for reminding me this weekend that I do know your voice and I do know when you are telling me to do something. I often still hesitate to obey, and please forgive me for those hesitations and for the times I completely disobey. In your gracious kindness you reveal to me why I need to obey and I’m so thankful for that.” 

I am so thankful. 

Why would I ever doubt that El Roi - the God who sees - would speak to me to show his love to other people? And he will use you, too. Just be obedient. And when you’re not, repent and then be obedient the next time. May we be Jesus’ hands and feet. May we display the love of the same God who commands us to do good and to love others. May we live our lives in humble obedience to the Lord. ​