The Good Days

These simplified and peace-filled dreams aren't for when the kids are older, when they aren't in diapers or can actually read books by themselves. These peace-filled days can begin before babies are even born. 

If I could give every single first-time mama a big, bear hug, pull back from that hug and look her in the eyes to tell her something, I would say this: "You need very little to be a good mama to your baby."

I'm sitting in my favorite little coffee shop surrounded by some of my favorite things: a wall lined with book cases in front of me, a large plant off to the side of the cases, and my coffee right next to me. 

As I'm typing, my mom shows up with my littlest daughter - its my mom's favorite coffee shop, too. I pause typing for just a few minutes to set my computer aside and soak in a few snuggles from my favorite four year old. Her whispy, white-blonde hair tickles my face as she nuzzles into my neck and gives me the smallest fairy kiss while whispering, "I love you, mommy". 

These are the good days. The days I imagined when pregnancy symptoms were at their peak. I knew there would be plenty of tantrums and messes and stressful days, but I also knew there would be tender, sweet moments that I'll want to soak in and hold onto forever so that one day, when I'm no longer young, I can sit in my rocking chair and remember each of these precious moments. These are the good days. 

These good days aren't built around, things, though. They're built around the intimate moments captured when we're least expecting it. 

This morning, as we drove the kids to school, I told Adam about a mama I'd just heard of who is pregnant for the first time and expecting twins. I'd been told that she was overwhelmed with what to do, what to buy, and how to prepare for her babies. 

Good marketing is persuading consumers and potential customers that their life just won't be right if they don't have whatever the company is selling. Wouldn't it make sense that the companies producing baby items would try to convince soon-to-be parents that they need to have all of the baby products their company sells? Honestly, the marketing teams at the top-ranked baby companies (I'm looking at you, Fisher Price and Gerber) have done exactly what they've been paid to do. And their competitors have done well by following suite. So much so that when we walk down the baby aisles we are overwhelmed with so many brands, styles, sizes, and colors that our heads  swim and swirl in confusion until we just grab three different options and run out of the aisle as quickly as possible. 

But it doesn't have to be that way. 

Living a little more simplified isn't just about our homes, our wardrobes, or how we eat. It affects how we parent from pregnancy to teenage-hood and beyond.  Parenting more simplified when our children are babies will prepare us for living more simplified as they grow. It helps us find the good days in the ordinary days. 

Christmases are more peaceful and less about consumption and burning entire savings accounts for a one-morning, spectacular, extravaganza.

Birthdays are more about experiences and celebrating the person than stacking the table next to them with gifts that will be forgotten in a few months' time.

Evenings are cozy dinners around the table with candles flickering while children learn to put their napkins on their laps and have the space to talk about their day instead of breathlessly running to and from events and activities while grabbing a granola bar to munch on for dinner. 

Weekends include an intentional day of rest, where the family plays games around the table, goes on a walk in the park, or tries making  pizza from scratch. 

These simplified and peace-filled dreams aren't for when the kids are older, when they aren't in diapers or can actually read books by themselves. These peace-filled days can begin before babies are even born. 

If I could give every single first-time mama a big, bear hug, pull back from that hug and look her in the eyes to tell her something, I would say this: "You need very little to be a good mama to your baby."

I'm not going to give you a list of every item a new mama needs because I would just be contributing to the noise. I just want you to know what I wish I had known when I was expecting my first two babies and even my third. Un-join the Facebook groups. Stop following the new moms on Instagram. Put all of the parenting blogs to the side so you don't get caught in the comparison trap. Limit the amount of information you consume and choose just a few really wise people around you who are at different points in their parenting journey and ask them for wisdom.

Call them when your baby has a cough or the sniffles.
Call them when you don't know what to do to calm your fussy baby.
Call them when you're overwhelmed and need to hear someone wiser tell you to take a deep breath.

Before you go buy all of the items or post a question on social media about whether you should sleep-train your baby or what the cause of a rash could be... just ask the wise women around you. They have much wisdom to share and we have much wisdom to gain from them. Simplify the input of parenting advice. 

And ask them what things you actually need so you can have those items on hand, then let go, breathe deeply, and await the good days. The good holidays. The good evenings. The good memories. They will come with much work, for there is no shortcut to discipling your little treasures. But the good days will come when we aren't wrapped up in consumerism, comparison, or chaos.