Purpose in Suffering

Within a very short period of time, Dave was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his throat, his kids left for college, his wife of 25 years left him, he lost his job where he was an executive for over 20 years, and he left the church his dad pastored and Dave was an elder at because he didn’t agree with what the new pastor was teaching.

​One of my jobs is getting to interview different members of my church and hear how the Gospel has transformed their lives then write it out to share with the world. The Lord whispered to me that I would get to share these Simple Jesus Stories in a dream. I wasn’t sure how that would come to be, but when I interviewed for a different job, God actually provided me with this one. I cry every time I sit down to write the stories I’ve heard.

I often share some of the stories I’ve heard with others and sometimes I go back and reread their stories just because they’re so powerful. One story I’ve gone back to read time and time again is Dave’s. 

Dave plays the trumpet at our church and he is phenomenal. I’ve even seen him alternate between two different trumpets in the same song - I didn’t even know there were different types of trumpets. 

Dave is soft-spoken and has a smaller build. Those combined with his gentle presence, stir up a Mr. Rogers feeling. I instantly liked Dave when I first met him - I had no idea the tragedies he endured in his life. 

Within a very short period of time, Dave was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his throat, his kids left for college, his wife of 25 years left him, he lost his job where he was an executive for over 20 years, and he left the church his dad pastored and Dave was an elder at because he didn’t agree with what the new pastor was teaching. 

As he shared his story - or really God’s story in Dave’s life - my eyes burned with tears that I held in until I was alone and could reread his words I’d typed during the interview. 

“A passage that has been close to me is Hebrews 5:8, which talks about Jesus learning obedience through suffering. If our Lord and Savior who was all divine and perfect humanity had to go through suffering to learn His obedience to the cross, why would we be any different?” 

Why would we be any different?

I thought of Dave’s suffering, I thought of my own. I thought of the suffering my friends have endured. I thought about the suffering my grandparents endured. So much suffering in this world. 

Dave told me how there’s a pattern of suffering throughout all of Creation and it causes growth to happen. Like how my Papa’s rose bushes had to be trimmed in order to flourish and grow more roses. Trimming is painful but necessary for growth. Or how trees actually need wind because it causes them to grow deeper root systems. The wind can take the breath out of our lungs and even bend us until we almost break, but it’s necessary for growth. Suffering and pressure is essential for growth. It’s literally built into creation. If it’s inevitable for plants and animals - why wouldn’t it be for me? 

“I was brought through trials, because that was what was required for me to better align my heart and soul with Him. We all know the pain of this life and these sufferings are extremely intense on our emotions and souls, but He uses that to shape our soul for something better. If we can get off of the focus of ‘My purpose in life is happiness’ and instead learn, ‘My purpose in life is to know my Creator,’ and I, in some small way, reflect His love for others, then all of that suffering seems so much more worth it.”

My eyes move back and forth as I read and reread the sentence - “My purpose in life is to know my Creator”. A friend told me recently that someone she loved was making decisions she didn’t agree with, but “She’s happy. She deserved to be happy.” I texted my friend: “The ultimate-goal in life isn’t our happiness.” 

And I’m reminded of that again, even now. Happiness isn’t guaranteed, it isn’t a promise God made, in fact, He promises just the opposite. He promises that we will face great trials. But He also offers us joy - the same joy I saw gleaming out of Dave’s eyes as the tears poured down his cheeks. 

​“My purpose in life is to know my Creator.”

I think of all the times I learned more about my Creator. 

It was when I suffered from postpartum anxiety that I learned, my Creator is my peace. 

It was when I no longer had a husband that I learned, my Creator is my husband. 

It was when I had no income that I learned, my Creator is my provider. 

It was when I had to go into hiding with my children that I learned, my Creator knows me deeply. 

It was when my children had no father that I learned, my Creator is their Father. 

It was when I was being sued for a debt I did not incur that I learned, my Creator is miraculous.

It was when lawyers and judges were active roles in my life that I learned, my Creator is the Ruler. 

It was when my sister tried to take her own life that I learned, my Creator is in control. 

It was when we waited to learn if she had brain activity or not that I learned, my Creator is the great physician. 

It was when I collapsed outside of the church sanctuary after seeing my sister’s body in a casket that I leaned, my Creator weeps with me. 

It was when I sat in the shower allowing the water to beat onto my head, pour down my face, and mix with my salty tears while my body shook with sobs that I learned, my Creator never leaves me. 

It was in intensive therapy sessions where flashbacks and waves of grief consumed me that I learned, my Creator is kind. 

It was when I endured great suffering that I learned who my Creator is. And in learning who He is- that has brought me deep and overflowing joy. Not happiness, but joy. 

I remember Dave’s smile when he finished sharing his story with me. I remember the kindred feeling we shared, two people who had walked deep trials and two people who knew our Creator differently than others. 

There’s a peace that comes when I realize that suffering will come again, but my pain won’t be wasted because on the other side of my suffering is a deeper relationship and a more intimate knowing of who God is. 

“The beauty of our God is that He is knowable but also incomprehensible.” -My friend, Dave