Read His Words Before Ours!
John 6:64-71
Acts 1:16-20
Matthew 27:3-10
Isaiah 59:1-3

I did everything I was supposed to do.
I followed Him.
I witnessed miracles.
I performed miracles.
I preached about Him.
I cast out demons.

My hands grip the rough trunk of the olive tree, my mouth tastes of the natural fibers of the rope as I climb. The taste of bile still lingers in my mouth, and my stomach turns as I feel the hot acid rising into my throat again. My head pounds and sweat drips down my back. I’m not sure if the pounding headache is from weeping or rage.

“Follow Me”, He said, and I did.
I left everything for Him!
For what? For riddles and jokes?
I left my life to follow a man who scoffed at my lack of faith?
Who demanded worship and said He was God?
I gave up everything for Him?

My grunt, as I climb another branch, turns into a deep growl and then into a shout.

I hate You! You demanded I leave everything behind – my family, my friends, even the extra clothes I owned to further Your name – all for what?
Nothing.
I walked hundreds – no – thousands of miles, my feet bloodied, blistered and filthy, for You to have Your feet washed by a prostitute? While I sat and watched, my feet throbbing with each beat of my pounding heart. And then, Your feet were washed again? By another woman? You told me to give up everything, and yet You allowed two women to waste their expensive perfume just to wash your feet. The other disciples watched in awe, just the sight of their faces, gawking over the exhibition, made me sick.

I look down below, the ground is further away, but not far enough. I can’t climb too high, or the branches will be too thin. My breathing is getting faster by the moment and my thoughts escape with a shout every so often. I pause to catch my breath, wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs, and look out over the land. The scenes of the days before flash before my eyes in fragments.

I tried. I really tried. I tried to make sense of the nonsense sermons He kept preaching.
I tried to answer His question correctly and ask questions to make me seem important and intellectual.
I thought if I acted the part well enough, I could eventually become everything He wanted me to be.
I wasn’t an idiot, like Peter, speaking before I thought, or trying to walk on water when it was impossible.
I left everything for Him.
And then I left Him.
And now, I have nothing.

That nothingness is exactly why I continue to climb.
I take the rope from my mouth for a moment and spit out loose hairs, willing moisture for my mouth, but I’m parched, physically and spiritually.

No matter how hard I tried to follow His rules and obey His commands, there was always something missing. Surely, I wasn’t the only one faking it. There’s no way every other disciple felt the joy and light Jesus spoke of. Balderdash. A bunch of blind sheep following a smooth-talker, and I allowed myself to get caught in it.
Yet…
How did He perform those miracles?
The crazed man who was set free from all those demons?
The blind made to see? The lame made to walk?
The woman healed just by touching the hem of His clothes?
And Lazarus.
We were all there for Lazarus.
…Maybe he wasn’t actually dead.
Maybe.
But Jesus certainly is.
Jesus.

I reach for the next limb, but my hand misses because the tree is moving so violently. I can’t tell if the tree shaking, or if my vision is construed. I can feel my body shaking, almost convulsing, uncontrollably. My head swirls as dizziness overtakes me and my vision grows dark.

I hate Him. I hate who He made me to be.
But I cannot deny His innocence.
I know He loves me.
Just a few days ago, He knelt and washed my feet.
My feet hit the warm water in the bowl just as He began dipping His hands in. He first took my right foot in His hands, taking care to have a gentler touch as He scrubbed close to my blisters. He rubbed one hand on the top of my foot, while the other held the bottom.
He then reached for my left foot, washing with the same care.
He looked up at me, and our eyes met.
His held His familiar knowing, like He always knew exactly what I was thinking.
But this time I saw pain, sorrow, and even love.
How can one’s eyes hold so much?
I looked around at the other men in and considered their friendship and our camaraderie. There had been many moments of confusion and frustration over our here-year journey, but there had been laughter, jokes, and even pranks as well. Inside jokes were our favorite; just a certain gesture or word would spark heaves of laughter.
Friendship grew across tables, on land, in boats, and in strangers’ homes.
But I had already lost it all. There was no undoing what I’d already done.
30 pieces of silver.
The price of a slave.
That’s what I had deemed Him worth.

I finally reach the perfect spot. I sit tall, gazing at the landscape before me.
I work to find even a moment of peace, but there is no peace to be had.

The pain in His eyes when I kissed His cheek. I shouldn’t have looked at His face, but I couldn’t help it.
I imagined his cries as each spike was driven into His skin, ripping out chunks of His flesh.
I’d seen my share of Roman crucifixions. It took little imagination to see Christ’s blood splatter on the ground, pouring from His open wounds.
Inside my head, I could not drown out the mob taunting and jeering, their anger so heavy it was palpable.

I shook my head to rid myself of the scenes that would not leave me.

I had done everything I was supposed to do.
One more image insistently took form before me:
Thirty pieces of silver.
I tried to give it back! I threw it at the priests begging them to take it, begging to hand over my iniquity. But they refused!

I have nothing.

No family.

No friends.

No Savior.

My hands have finished tying the knots and I carefully slip the loop over my neck. I tighten it until I can scarcely breathe. I take one final, labored breath through the constraints of the rope, and let my body fall.

Sisters, Judas thought he was doing everything right. He literally followed Jesus everywhere. He performed miracles and spread Jesus’ Name. Yet, Scripture says Judas did not have a saving faith. He was so caught in the “doing”, he completely missed Jesus’ entire mission: Save.

Judas died by hanging himself after attempting to return the money he’d earned for betraying Jesus. We can only imagine the grief Jesus felt knowing a man Jesus considered one of His best friends, had betrayed Him.

But that wasn’t Judas’ only mistake.

No, his next mistake was believing he wasn’t worth saving. He believed the lie that he was too far gone for even God to save. Jesus didn’t just die for you and me,
He died for Judas, too.

Judas couldn’t believe it. He never believed the truth that God saw him as worth dying for. Oh, beloved sisters, no one is too far gone.
Not Judas.
Not you.
Not me.

This Bible Study first appeared on Gracefully Truthful and is property of Gracefully Truthful. For more studies like this one, check out GracefullyTruthful.com!

Read His Words Before Ours!
John 21:15-19
Mark 14:66-72
John 1:35-42 

“Simon, do you love me with a love that is selfless, pure, and passionate?
Do you love Me most?”  

My eyes lifted from my hands, meeting Jesus’ gaze. His question lingered, as the juice from the fish dripped down my forearms, my heart pounding.

I couldn’t stop the scene playing out in my mind’s eye as I recalled the darkest moment in my life…
_
“Aren’t you one of His disciples?” she asked as I walked into courtyard where Jesus was. I quickly shook my head, “I’m not!” But guilt consumed me. 
I am. I am His disciple. 
But I didn’t want to die.  

“Aren’t you one of His disciples?” I was asked again. “No!” I insisted. 
“But I saw you in the garden with Jesus,” another said.
“No, you didn’t! I do not know this Man!”  

The rooster crowed. Just as He’d said it would. 
I had denied my Lord three times. 
_
“Lord, You know I love you as a friend and brother,” I respond quickly, my focus returning.  
Yet, my heart would not be stilled.
How could I say I love Him selflessly?
How could I say I love Him most?
I denied Him when He needed me most.  

But Jesus continued, 
“Feed my lambs, Simon.”

His words brought a new scene to mind. It was winter, and we were listening to Jesus as we walked the grand colonnade of Solomon’s temple. His words, as always, had arrested my wandering attention.
_
“The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers… The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd.” (John 10:1-10)
_
Feed His lambs? But He is the Good Shepherd.
Besides, I’m a fisherman. What does this mean? 
I still can’t look Him in the eyes.
He knows me, He knows I denied Him three times, He knows I turned my back on Him.

How could He even ask if I love Him?  

Jesus was speaking again, insistently, “Simon, Son of John, do you love me with a love so strong you will put Myself before you?
Do you love me with a love so passionate, you would protect My truth and build others up with it?"

My heart flew to another impossible invitation by the Lord as we’d stood by the Sea of Galilee.
It was my fishing boat, my empty nets, and His winsome offer…
_
“Hello, Peter. Would you do me a favor and let me get in your boat?”, Jesus asked.
I noticed the crowd of people behind him, moving closer and closer to Him. 
His only other option would have been to stand in the sea.  
“Yes! Of course. I haven’t caught any fish anyways; my boat is empty.”  
He asked me to row out, then He stood and began speaking to the people. I tried to listen as He talked, but I’d been awake all night fishing, exhaustion was setting in.  
Suddenly, He had my full attention as He’d turned His gaze on me, 
“Put your net out to catch some fish.” 
I was embarrassed; I’d caught nothing after an entire night’s worth of work, but who was I to say no?  
“I’ve been fishing all night and caught nothing, but I’ll try it again for you,” I shrugged and tossed the nets overboard. After a moment, my nets began to tug and tear! Fish flooded my nets! I whistled to our boating partners, and with all of our might, we pulled loads of fish into our boats. 
There were so many we began sinking! 
A miracle! 
I’d been wondering how I would make money today and this Miracle Worker brought in enough fish to cover my wages for days! 

It was then I knew, I knew He was Lord! 

I fell to my knees, fully aware of my unworthiness and utter sinfulness; I’d begged Him to leave. How could He even associate with me?  

“Do not be afraid! From now on, you will be catching men.”  
I caught those fish that day, but I gave them to another local fisherman. 
Instead, I chose to follow Jesus… this man who was Lord. 
The same one I later denied…
_
“Jesus, You know I love you as my friend.” I dug deep for a response to His incessant questioning, my sorrow continuing to burn hot in my belly.
I loved Him with everything in me. But how could I convey it?  

Before I could attempt a better response, He instructed.
“Tend my sheep.”

Or was it an invitation?
Either way, He knew exactly the story His words would bring to mind.
_
“Which of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost? And on finding it, he lays it on his shoulder, rejoicing.” 

Jesus would leave ninety-nine sheep just to go after one. 
He would do that for me, for anyone. 
He loved the wealthy and the poor, the Jews and the Gentiles, the adulteress and the leper. 
He was more than Jesus Christ to me, He was my Lord, and my friend. 
_
Jesus saw my eyes return to His, my fish breakfast long since forgotten.  
“Simon,” He questioned slowly for the third time.
“Do you love me as your friend and as your brother?”

This time it was different.

This time, He knew the answer, and my heart was shattered.
What’s more, I knew the answer. 
I knew I just simply loved Him, and that was enough.

Wherever He took me, whatever it cost, whatever the task, I loved Him. 

“Lord, You know me; You know everything. You know I  love You.”  

Again, He invited and commanded, “Feed My sheep.”  

“Simon, the cost of following Me is your full surrender. You may lose physical freedom, but you will truly be free. FOLLOW ME.”  

Our eyes locked and I knew the depth of this invitation.
I was forgiven.
He trusted me with His sheep.
I was to make fishers of men, continuing to extend the invitation I’d been given.  

Why would I say yes?
I loved Him.
He loved me. 
​_
Simon Peter’s life is one of transformation and sanctification that we get to watch transform through the pages of Scripture. From the quick and wordy fisherman who was called by Jesus, to the wise and heroic martyr and was an essential piece of the founding of the Church, Peter shows us that even when we fall, even when we deny Jesus, He isn’t finished with us. God’s plan for us is deep and wide. We can accomplish His purposes because of His unconditional love. ​

This Bible Study is property of Gracefully Truthful, where it was first published. For studies like this one, visit GracefullyTruthful.com! 

Read His Words Before Ours!

Exodus 3:1-12
1 Samuel 16:1-12
Luke 2:8-20
John 10:1-18

These are the real-life stories of four shepherds.

The first was a man named Moses. He cared for his sheep while his wife cared for their children. The days of his own childhood would sometimes dance in his mind. Some days he would allow the memories to linger, and others he would quickly shoo away. He had been a prince of Egypt as a boy, after being adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, but now he was a shepherd, caring for sheep through pouring rain and sweltering days.

The second was a boy named David. He was the youngest in his family, and quite a darling young man. He was fearless and strong and was learning to love the God of his people. David had defeated lions and bears, and he knew that if he relied on Yahweh, he could defeat anything.

This third shepherd doesn’t have a name. While shepherding was often a lonely job, he had other shepherds for friends and companions. They didn’t notice each other’s stench or filth, and enjoyed the company after long hard days of herding sheep. They often risked their lives to save their livestock, and endured harsh weather to ensure no sheep would wander away from their herd.

The fourth shepherd? We’ll talk about him more in just a moment.

One day, Moses was caring for his father-in-law’s sheep. He led them to a mountain to graze, taking care to ensure each sheep was accounted for. There he saw a bush engulfed in flames, but it wasn’t actually burning. Moses moved nearer to the bush, his curiosity peaked at how such a phenomenon could occur.
“Moses, Moses!” A deep, steady voice came from the bush.
Moses responded, “Here I am”, while stopping in his tracks to see who was calling him by name.
“Do not come near; take your sandals off your feet, for the place which are standing is holy ground.”

David was tending his father’s sheep, oblivious to anything else that was occurring. His people had begged the Lord for a king to lead them, and He had given them Saul, but Saul had become wicked and a new king needed to take his place. As Samuel grieved Saul’s hardened heart, God said, “How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel?” He then commanded Samuel to visit Jesse because one of his sons was to become the next king. Jesse was David’s father, but he had many sons who were grown, strong, and capable young men. David was just a boy. Samuel paused before each of these grown men, asking the Lord if which one was to become the next king. But the Lord instructed him to pass up each of them, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature…For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Our nameless shepherd was exhausted from a long day of herding his sheep, but his job was never done. Even in the still darkness of the night, he must still guard the sheep from thieving predators. He and the other shepherds occasionally talked for a moment before letting the quietness overtake their voices, listening for any sounds that might be out of place among the common bleating of sheep. Suddenly, a great light appeared and enveloped them! It was an angel! And the glory of the Lord shone around them. They were speechless and terrified! The angel began, “Fear not, for behold I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people! For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” They were told to look for a baby lying in a manger and then, in an instant, the sky was filled with thousands of angels singing, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

Now for that fourth Shepherd…

This man wasn’t a traditional shepherd.
It wasn’t His first career and He didn’t herd sheep.
He shepherded people.

Like Moses, He was adopted into a family different than His own and would fulfill His calling by saving millions of people from slavery.

Like David, He seemed like the most unlikely of people; He was the son of a carpenter and born in a stable, surrounded by animals. He was not born into a royal family, but He was a great King, existing before time began!

And like our Nameless Shepherd, He would protect and care for His sheep, guiding them away from death and rescuing them from the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

That fourth Shepherd… He is THE Shepherd.

He is MY Shepherd.
He gives me rest.
He restores my soul.
He lets me drink the Living Water.
He walks with me when I go through deep valleys and in dark shadows.
He disciplines me.
He guides me.

He is Jesus.

Like shepherds of old, Jesus laid down His life for His sheep (that’s us, guys!).
He knows us. He cares for us.

The motif of a shepherd is incorporated throughout the entire Bible. It is another thread woven together that proves the Bible, and every truthful story in it, has a purpose, pointing to King Jesus.
​
The Shepherd!
The GOOD Shepherd!

This Bible Study first appeared on GracefullyTruthful.com and is property of Gracefully Truthful. Check out their website for more studies like this one!